Growing up...

I think I have officially decided that growing up sucks. Don't get me wrong I guess it really does have its perks... Eating ice cream for dinner, staying up as late as you want, spending your money however you want, making your own choices... but the perks don't come without consequences.... getting fat, being tired for work/school, being poor and not being able to pay your bills, dealing with the choices you make... I don't see why when you are younger you are so eager to grow up. Kids just don't understand... growing up looks glorious but if they only knew... hahaha Maybe its just the wanting what you don't have kind of thing?

At this stage in my life I kinda think that maybe when am actually older it will be easier. I'm at a middle stage. I"m not grown up but I'm not a kid. Right now my future is so unsure! I have 2 semester of classes left and then my student teaching. I still have no idea where I want to student teach. I keep hoping that by some miracle there will be something that comes up that kind of decides for me. A lot could happen in a year.... I guess I keep waiting to plan my life around other people which is definitely not the way to go... Other people continue with their own lives. They get married, they have kids, they move back home and get an awesome job from someone they already know. I guess I just need to buck up and make my own decisions once. I think i just hate having almost everything in my life so up in the air. It seems like I can only plan my life in about 3 month sections. I just feel like i just want to be 5 years down the road and hopefully my life will be a little more stable then, but at the same time it seems like I'm wishing my life away. It's like I'm always gonna say that it will be better in a while instead of living in the moment and being happy with what I have because I could have a lot less! It also seems like (especially in my culture) that the older you get the more things you should have accomplished....be married, have a good job, have a house and a car etc.... but it kinda seems like I'm not very close to any of that but that's kind of what is expected of me... It seems like everyone wants me to have a direction in my life ( I convince them I have one) but really I have no idea what I'm doing.... I guess its just a dilemma of being 21 and still figuring out life.