who knows....

Well this post is just to remind all of you why I call my blog random ramblings. This blog is often really helpful for me to think about things. There are many times that I write this huge post and then think about what I wrote and im like uh... i dont want people to actally read that... haha any way.... i dont really have a plan of what this post is gonna be about so its just gonna be whatever comes out...Here ya go....

Life very rarely changes in an instant. I read this quote the other day that said something like... Life seems to be the same every day until one day you look back and its completely different. This is something i have been realizing more and more every day. I feel like im in this routine but all in all life is always slowly changing. Im the kind of person that doesn't like change....but at the same time i reach points in my life that i know i just need a big change to move on in my life. There are parts of my life that have changed and i really really really wish they wouldnt have. I wish i would have (or maybe could have) done something to make those parts stay the same. Or maybe that I would have taken advantage of those opportunites more when I had them. I guess that is what makes you appriciate what you have. My problem now is that im having a hard time letting go. I know that its over, and its time to move on but i dont want to! its so pathetic but im like clinging to the fragments that are left. In all reality its pretty much just making me miserable.

There are a few things contributing to this but there is this boy....in particular. I used to have a crazy big crush on him....its kind of a complicated story....any way.... i dont have feelings for him in that way any more. BUT i have always just felt this like certain attatchment to him. This sounds creepy and weird but i still vividly remember the first time i ever heard his name i just knew.... i dont know what i knew....but i just knew. Maybe that we were supposed to be in each others lives or something. I love talking to him. Its not like we are best friends or that we are even like super close....but for some reason hes always kind of in the back of my head. like i said its not that i have "those" kinds of feelings for him. Sounds crazy but it almost feels like we were supposed to be friends. I always felt like there was something i needed to teach him or help him with and there was something that he needed to help me with. I dont really feel like i have had much of an impact in his life but i hope that i have. Ok i just sound crazy.... but there you go... random ramblings.... Its just frustrating to me because hes leaving in July and going on a mission....im moving to Utah and moving on in my life. We dont talk or hang out any where close to how much we used to. Im just having a hard time letting go of it for some reason. i want to like cling to the little time that we have left as friends. this is so jumbled... i dont even think my brain knows what its thinking.....

On another note....kind of related in a round about way....One thing that I love doing is finding a song that relates to my life and then I listen to the song OVER and OVER and OVER. It's like what i do. I have a few that are my favorites in particular right now. Most of the time its not really the whole song..but just a line or two! and i just fall in love with the line or so in the song. I love music! its proof of a higher power in more ways then one. I feel like music is one way that i can truly explain, or think about my feelings. It says things that words can't. Especially for me because i can never really express how i feel in words. The worst feeling for me is not being able to find a song that fits my mood or life at the moment. Music is awesome!

On a random side note I waxed my eye brows for the first time tonight. I thought about doing it before church today but i decided against it. Now i am thankful that i did. It doesnt really hurt too much when you rip it off....but my skin is still like tingling and stinging! Im praying the reddness goes away by tomorrow!!

Another thing on my mind is how much of a Debbie Downer i feel like i am being. i am so whining and ungrateful lately. Its pretty uncharacteristic of me. I need to actually give Rigby a chance but i just dont want to. Im pouting because i want my life i had in rexburg back. I want my Rexburg friends and my Rexburg life. I'm sure if i actually gave Rigby a chance i could have a very similar life but im being stubborn. which is crazy.... Who would have thought that?? im never stubborn... haha yeah right.... any way... i need to stop wishing my life was different and Find joy in the Journey like President Monson said! I need to trust the Lord and let him guide me and stop thinking i know whats best.

Seattle!!!!

Katelyn and I are back from our amazing trip to Seattle!! it was so so fun! I LOVED like all of Washington! (except like two of the four hours between Spokane and Seattle....BORING!) Its so green and full of trees!!! its beautiful!!! Warning...this could be a long post...but deal with it! cuz i just wanna gush about my trip!!!

Day One we left about 4 o'clock and drove to Spokane. It actually went pretty fast and wasn't near as bad of a drive as i was expecting. We slept on Katelyn's sisters floor that night in Spokane and then headed out to Seattle the next day.

Day Two was probably the worst of the whole drive. Well only two hours of it. Eastern Washington, after Spokane, is almost as bad as driving through Southern Wyoming. Flat, and boring.... but then it gets really pretty really fast! We went over this cool bridge that goes over the Columbia River. I was gonna post a bunch of pictures but they take forever to load, so i will only post a few. The views were amazing! We were gonna stop at the temple first but missed the exit, so instead we went to the hotel first and check in. Our hotel was REALLY nice! probably one of the nicest I have stayed in. It had 2 flat screen TV's, 2 beds, granite counter with a sink, mini fridge and microwave, it had a couch and all that. It was way nice! and we got it for $74 a night!!! It smelled like they had just re-painted...one downside. Here is a picture of the bed part, just to give you an idea. When we got settled into our hotel we ate dinner and then we decided to just drive around the area of our hotel a bit. All of the sudden we turn the corner and there is the HUGE mall!!! probably one of the biggest i have ever been in! it was awesome! We walked around a bit and then bought some super sweet sun glasses for like $5. Excellent! When we were done at the mall we went back and went to the temple. We took a few pictures and then Katelyns camera died. She wanted to see if we could find a wal-mart so she could buy a new cord to charge it. We found out there was a Walmart in Renton but we didnt know where in Renton....but well well well what do you know we practically drove right to it again! We had SUPER good luck the whole time we were in Seattle! We didnt get lost a single time! Any way, then we just went back to the Hotel and watched some randome show. We thought about doing the paper view thing but they were like $12 to watch a movie once!! geez louise!!!

Day Three is where it gets a little more exciting! We woke up and ate a WONDERFUL hot breakfast of hashbrowns, eggs, and sausage. Then we got ready and made our first adventure into the heart of Seattle! The first thing on our list was Woodland park Zoo. It was pretty fun. Pretty much like every other Zoo you have been to. The views from North Seattle were pretty cool though! And i loved the feel of the houses up there and the steep hilly populated part of the city! I loved it!!! here is a picture across from the Zoo. After the Zoo we made our way to Downtown Seattle. We were kinda worried about parking so we took the first one we saw....kind of a bad idea just because we ended up paying a butt load for two hours...and we found about a million other places closer and cheeper.... but it ended up being ok. We then made our way up to the top of the Space Needle! I dont know what it is about it but i LOVE city scapes! i think they are so cool! i wish i could have seen it at night. I took about a million pictures up there. When we came down we asked these two random guys to take a picture for us. They very willingly did and then one decided that he wanted a picture with us and the space needle. He said "I want to stand in the middle of you girls. Then we can make the bars!! Like verizon!" He meant like the signal bars for cingular or whatever because Katelyn was so short and i was so tall. He was just a bit shorter then me. HAHA i thought it was funny... Then the other guy decided that he wanted his picture too... He was like 15 and he jumped in and put his arms around us. I bet he thought he was pretty cool. I wish i woul have got a picture with them too but we didnt think about it til after they walked away. After the Space Needle we went to the experience music project. They had this cool thing that looked like a tornado with guitars, keyboards drums, all that stuff it was way cool. The featured artist was Jimi Hendrix. Neither of us are too into him, but it was cool to see some of his costumes and music and all that. They also had a place up stairs with individual booths that teach you how to play the certain intruments. We did a keyboard one for like two seconds and they it froze up but it was fun. After we were done there we had to go because our time was up for where we parked. After Seattle we drove back to the mall by our Hotel and ate Panda express. A luxury we dont have in Idaho. We both snarfed it! it was so good and we were so hungry and tired after being on our feet all day! Next we went to the hotel and just chilled. Our feet hurt and we were way tired so we just laid in bed and watched TV. We fell asleep SUPER early....like 10-ish and it felt SO good to get some rest!

Day four was probably the most exciting! We woke up and ate another wonderful breakfast at our fancy hotel and then got ready. The first stop on todays list was the Aquarium. We actually took our time to find good parking and got a way better deal. We walked down to the water front and took some pictures and then made our way in the Aquarium. They had some way cool features and it was very educational. There were lots of very different things and kept you entertained. They had this part where you could touch them. A lot of the Star fish were slimy...it was kinda gross. The aquarium has some good views of the Olympic mountains and Elliott bay. After the Aquarium we did a cruise of Elliot bay. The captian of our boat was hilarious. Katelyn and i were bustin a gut! We actually got to learn even more about the history of Seattle which was pretty fun! The very first picture is from the boat. Here is a picture of Katelyn and I on the boat. After we rode the boat we just walked around downtown Seattle. Specifically Pike Place Market. It was cool to see all the little shops an all the things you could buy. I think my favorite was the rows and rows of flowers!!! I hated the smell of the fresh fish though! Katelyn was so disappointed because i HATE seafood! We could have got some really good stuff there but i am not a fan. Pike Place and downtown was cool but a little bit of a culture shock for me. There were TONS of homeless people....tons of creepy people that made me really nervous....especially the way they would look at you. Katelyn and I had death grips on our purses! We went to this super creepy store called Ye old Curiosity shop and it was freaky!! there were SO many people in there and most of them were way freaky. They sold kinda weird stuff that i was a little too nervous to look too closely at. It was kinda fun though once we got out alive. Plus also... i didnt feel like pike place was very sanitary. I didnt want to eat anything there. It made me a little nervous. Im sure going on a mission would cure that for me. It was still really cool though!!! After all that we got into Rio and made our way back to Spokane. By that time we were so so tired and kind of sick of traveling that we decided to skip touring spokane Sunday (today) like we were supposed to and just come home.

All in all the trip was AMAZING!!! i loved Seattle! I loved being away from home and having a little adventure of my own. Being in Seattle really made me excited to get out of Eastern Idaho and start a real life! Im excited to graduate college and live my life! I had a lot of time to think on the trip and it was just all around SO good for me! I really loved Washington! i definitely wouldn't mind visiting again soon! or who knows maybe even living there some day! its so beautiful!! Well thats all for now. Im gonna work on posting a few more pictures on facebook if you wanna see more!

Time for an update....for all three of you that read this.

Life is pretty good. Theres not much new in my life, but a lot going on at the same time. If that makes any sense.

I have been working at the day care again for the summer. I work with all new girls and I really love them! They make it pretty fun. I love the kids so much too. They teach me things all the time, especially things about my Heavenly Father, and even myself. There's one little boy that has kind of been my saving grace. He can tell when I am getting frustrated or upset and he will just say teacher....and then sing If you're happy and you know it clap you hands! Or else he will just stop me and say Teacher, i love you. and gives me a big hug. It helps me to stop and take a deep breath so i dont loose my temper. Its funny to me the little hidden blessings the Lord gives to me always. Working at the day care also keeps me entertained. The kids are so funny and so cute. I have a new funny story almost every day. The kids are always telling me that i just need to find someone and marry him. They just dont understand why i am not married. I feel like im back at BYU-I sometimes.... :)

I am also taking two classes this summer. One is on campus in Rexburg and the other is online. Well stupid forgetful me, i haven't been making a list (that is like the world coming to an end for me by the way) and i missed the first two deadlines for my online class. Lame....dont worry i got the next one in with time to spare. My on campus class is interesting. I am actually seeing how it applies with experiences i have already had. Its pretty intense though. In order to pass the tests you have to get an 86% or better. Your grade is based on how many times it takes you to pass it. Each time you take the test your grade goes down. Not to mention the questions change with each test you take.....Our first one opens tomorrow. I am pretty nervous.

My dad is doing alright. They found out that the cancer has spread into his neck, so they moved the radiation up. He started Radiation a few days ago. Just looking at him the radiation makes no difference yet, but he says it really makes him feel lousy. He felt lousy before. He is hanging in there. He is being a trooper. Its taking patience on everyones part. I just try to rely on the Lord. He knows what hes doing and i need to trust that.

Another thing....probably the most exciting part of this wonderful post is that I am going to Seattle in 4 days!!!! Katelyn and I have planned and planned and we are so excited to go! We have a hotel for 2 nights and we have these City passes that allows us to go into a bunch of different things. Im really excited to have a break and be able to have a few days to just have fun and do things that i WANT to do and just not things i HAVE to do! It is a much needed vacation for me right now. Not to mention im sure once i get back i will post pictures, and stories and the whole she-bang.

I started going to the singles branch here in Rigby. I have only gone to FHE i guess.... so i cant say that yet but ya know.... So far its pretty much what i expected....about 1 boy for every 5 girls. I think it will be fine though. I dont think i will love it by any means, but it should be fun.

A final thing...i got an e-mail about the rent for student housing in Salt Lake....its like1700 something plus $100 deposit. For almost exactly 4 months!!! it is SO ridiculous. I am probably just gonna end up finding my own housing. It could be a blessing but also a pain in the butt. Being on your own is kind of scary.

With all this stuff going on, and between work and studying and doing homework i get pretty darn tired. I am finally getting the hang of it all and accomplishing a lot in a day. It always makes me feel good to completely cross off everything on my list for that day!! It seems like I sleep so much better!!! Any way.......Thats all for now.