No Longer a Nomad
15 years ago
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Is this my life?
I have had a really weird day today. I woke up to my mom calling me and telling my grandma is in the hospital and shes not doing very well. I have found out that she might not even make it through the night. And for some reason i am just feeling so overwhelmed and burnt out right now. so everything is just hitting me at once. I just feel like i want to give up! I just want to quit!! Im so scared for the rest of my life that is just around the corner. I feel so inadequate. I dont know where im going or what im doing! I am trying so hard to put my trust the Lord. Its really hard for me to just be living my life day by day. my life is pretty much planned for me until December and after that i have NO idea what i am going to do or even what i want to do! and im gonna be on my own! Am i ready for that? can i survive on my own? and the really sucky part is that i want nothing more to be done with school and out of Rexburg but at the same time its what scares me the most. I feel like i need a fresh start and just get away from everything for a while! I want to be completely on my own and i think thats what i need for a while. I think moving so much has really cursed me... its almost like i get too comfortable and it makes me uncomfortable...if that makes any sense at all. I almost feel like im being suffocated by living in a place im so comfortable. I guess in all reality i thrive on change. I have been in Idaho way too long... i have been in Rexburg way too long... i love it here but i just cant take it any more. I cant wait until i move to Utah. and even better when im done with school. who knows where life will take me next.
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First of all let's clear this up right now- you have your life planned until DECEMBER? Girl, you're golden! I don't know what's happening past MAY, and you know what? It's way more fun that way!
And #2- you are going to be amazing at real life, I promise. Of course it's a little scary to grow up, but it's way, way, way, way, way better this way and, of course, WAY more fun. Besides, you sound like you're ready to get out of Rexburg (trust me, you are. There's so much out here waiting for you!) and that in itself lends you to surviving reality when you get into it. Capeesh?
#3- If Tara and I can do it, you can do it. And we've been doing it for well over a year now, and we're still alive and playing. Really, what else do you need?
Seriously though Mama Legs, being terrified and overwhelmed is a good sign. It means you're facing what's coming at you head on. And we all have our days when we feel like we can't do it anymore. It's life. Take it with a grain of salt. No stress though, ok? It'll all work out, it always does!
Love ya!
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