Love ya Daddy

It is a possibility that my Dads cancer has come back. I feel so bad.... there is absolutely nothing I can do. There's not much anyone can do.....this song portrays my feelings pretty perfectly right now... If you have the time listen to the song on you tube or something... POWERFUL! love it! I am just going to do parts of the song....

I can tell I can tell
How much you hate this
Deep down inside
You know it's killing me
I can call, wish you well
And try to change this
But nothing i can say Would change anything

I wish i could save you
I wish i could say to you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish i could say to you
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright

There were times i'd wonder
Could i have eased your pain
Why did i turn away

We can pretend nothings changed
Pretend it's all the same
And there will be no pain
Tonight...

processing problems....

So.... do you think that there is a specific section in your brain that controls how you act around the opposite sex? Cuz if so, mine is retarded.

Admittedly I am about 90 million times better than I used be...but still....just not functioning properly.

For some stupid reason, I can flirt and work it with any guy that I am not attracted to. Then as soon as I am attracted its like my brain just stops.... it has processing problems...It's not even like I think of dumb things.... it just altogether stops. Any and all complete thoughts are gone when I am around a boy that I like. And it gets worse the more I like them. If my brain worked properly it would be the other way around...

Maybe someday I will figure out this boy thing...

PANIC x12

So Tuesday was a normal day.... a day like any other... or so it seemed. I ended up subbing for an hour in a kindergarten class at the end of the day. I walked them out and when I was headed back in, the principal was standing right there. She said I need to talk to you. Are you leaving? I just told her I had to lock up the teachers class and I would be right there. I was worried because I thought maybe I was in trouble. I get into her office and she asked me if I would like to sub long term for a teacher that is pregnant. Of course I was MORE than willing. I knew it would be a great experience and I could get in good with the principal. So, she tells me that I will start on Monday and I will just shadow her until she has the baby. Even better! I could get used to how she runs her class and get used to her kids and therefore make a smoother transition. The Lord always has other plans.

I had good intentions ever since I found out about the subbing to go talk to the teacher. BUT I found out on Tuesday and had to leave right after. Then Wednesday I was trying to get stuff for my after school classes that I am teaching ready, so I didn't get to talk to her then either. My plan was to talk to her today after school. When I stopped by her classroom the door was locked and the lights were off. Then a teacher walking by said So... are you taking over for her tomorrow? and I was like oh no, i don't start until Monday. and then she said oh.... didnt you hear? She went into labor.

Yes... you read right... She went into labor. Three. Weeks. Early.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! She doesn't have sub plans ready for the next three weeks! Which is bad enough.... on top of that the teachers told me that she had a sub planned already but my principal said Nope... i want Kelsey to do it. So she is pretty much trying me out to see if she wants to hire me for next year. the Pressure is on... I am scared to death... but im diving in head first!