Songs!!!

So this is just lyrics to a song that i love right now. It fits! Its called Fighting by Yellow Card

Said I'd move on and I'd leave it alone
But before I walk out there is something that I need you to know
I got lost in the blink of an eye
And I could never get back, no I never got back …

You were not there when I wanted to say
That you were everything right
And it wasn't you but me that changed
Now I gotta go it alone
But I will never give up, no I'll never give up.

What am I fighting for?
There must be something more
For all these words I sing
Do you feel anything?

Said “I'm ok”, but I know how to lie
You were all that I had
You were delicate and hard to find
Got lost in the back of my mind
And I could never get back, no I never got back

You were not there when I needed to say
I hit the bottom so fast
That my head was spinning ‘round for days
Now I gotta go it alone
But I will never give up…
No I'll never give up…

What am I fighting for?
There must be something more
For all these words I sing
Do you feel anything?

What am I fighting for?

What am I fighting for?

Never give up….. on this
Never give up…. Up on this
Never give up…. On this
Never give uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup on this

Said “I'm ok” but I know how to lie
I will never give up, no I'll never give up

What am I fighting for?
There must be something more
For all these words I sing
Do you feel anything?

What am I fighting for?
No, I'm never gonna give up, give up

What am I fighting for?
No, I'm never gonna give up, give up

Said that I'd fight for the one that I found
I'm gonna stay here while I wait for you to come around
I'll fight, you're a part of me now
And I will never give up, no I'll never give up

Here is one that i keep listening to trying to make it my theme song right now...its called No Reins by Rascal Flatts

She left that loser in a dust cloud
Heart in his hand, chin on the ground
Cried her last tear for that clown
She can see a little clearer now
She said, "Oh, oh, I gotta go and find me"
Oh, oh she found the strength to break free

[CHORUS]
Like a painted wild mustang
Flyin' out across the open range
Finally gets to live her life that way
No fear, no fences, nobody-no reins

No reins

All she's ever felt is held back
She says, "It's kinda nice to hear myself laugh"
She's gonna do a lot more of that
She's makin' plans and makin' tracks
She said, "Oh, oh I gotta go and find me"
Oh, oh she found the strength to break free

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, oh she's learnin' how to let go
Oh, oh whichever way the wind blows
Oh, oh she's learnin' how to let go

[Repeat Chorus Twice]

No reins

Come back to me, I cant get you out of my lonely mind!!

Holy Moly.... i know this is like all i ever talk about any more but it just feels so unresolved and i feel like i am making like NO progress. Its like the only thing ever on my mind.

I want so badly to move on. In more ways then one. I am just clinging to the past. To something that I know will never be the same, but just cant seem to let go of, for no good reason! I think I am making horizontal progress.... i am realizing more and more....but i dont feel like i am actually going any where in actually moving on. Part of me thinks its still vaguely the same and if i just made more of an effort it would be the same again. It's like im trying to justify it. And it just frustrates me to no end because i KNOW with out a doubt that the Lord has bigger and better things in store for me if i can just let this go, but for some reason i cant seem to. I have read all these things about get rid of pictures, get rid of songs that remind you, etc etc but i cant do that!!! i want to hold on to those things! They remind me of the good times! If i am ever going to get over it, i just need it to be gone but i want to savor what is left. Its not completely bad, but im just so stuck on it. I really need to get out and meet new people, but at the same time i dont see a point because i am leaving for Utah in like a month and a half. It just really makes me want to move to Utah that much more. At least that way I wont have the option of having it around. And i will be busy and keep my mind off of things. I will be able to start a new life for myself. Right now its not really what i want, but its what i need. Any way, more later probably...but i really need to go to bed.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Yay! its my birthday! It was actually a pretty sucky birthday but thats ok. I had a party on Saturday but no one came... everyone had pretty legit excuses....but a bummer none the less. Thanks to the few that did come! :)

Then today I had to work. It was just kind of a sucky day at work. No particular reason, but it was kinda crazy because of t-ball and I didnt really sleep last night so i wasnt in the best mood ever. It was cute though cuz the kids sang me happy birthday and i brought them brownies so they were all excited! I was kind of glad to get out of there just cuz i was in a bad mood. The girls at work and I are gonna start hanging out more hopefully so im excited for that!!!

After work i had to go to class. i dont know why but the whole time i was just super anxious and pretty much the last thing i wanted to do was sit there...but i did. I skipped my study group because i didnt feel like studying on my birthday! I went back to Tamara and Nicholes. Tamara had a root beer float ( i dont really like them) and then we watched Real genious. Pretty much i slept through it.... like usual... its hard for me to make it through a movie any more unless im not tired and it keeps me genuinly interested...after that we just kinda sat there. I left cuz i was bored. I could have gone to my FHE but i didnt feel like playing stupid games that i hate with people i dont know on my birthday so i just came home. Pretty much im just in a really bad mood and its probably my own fault i had a sucky birthday because i was/am in a bad mood.

The weird part is that i am 22. i do NOT feel like im 22. I still feel 18... and i probably still act 18. Everyone always thinks im like 18 or younger. For some reason i didnt really feel old til i had to say 22....like 21 you are still young....but for some reason right now 22 just seems old... haha its silly...its not old....but there ya go... haha

I think too much...

For some reason, lately I have been thinking a lot. I kind of hate when I get in these moods because everything else in my life kind of goes out the window. My brain like zones in and just wants to figure out whatever my mind is on. But another problem is that my brain is thinking about so many things that it cant focus. I end up getting no where because I can't organize my thoughts. Here are some more random ramblings in an attempt to organize my thoughts.

The boy I talked about earlier... I have been struggling with what I was supposed to do. I talked to a friend and she told me that I should just step back. I came to the conclusion that he is either trying to or has moved on, and I should do the same. I guess there just comes a time in life when people grow apart. i wish it wasn't that way, but maybe its the way is supposed to be. I have really really restrained myself in how much i talk to him. Its been hard but i think its necessary. There's a song by Kelly Clarkson and it says, "whenever i see you i swallow my pride and bite my tongue, pretend im ok with it all, act like theres nothing wrong." Which is what i am trying to do.

Another thing on my mind is moving. I really don't like Rigby and cant wait to leave. I have actually gotten to the point that i enjoy going to work! The girls i work with are SO awesome and fun that it makes it totally worth it to me. I think that we work together very well and we have become good friends. They are all about my age too! So, i will be sad to leave work, but excited to go to Utah. My mom gave me my birthday present early because it was big and she couldnt hide it once she bought it. It was a really nice luggage set. It was not was i was expecting but i actually loved the gift! at the same time it really made me sad. She told me i figure you are moving on in your life and you need some real luggage for when you move. Number one, it kinda hit me that ---Im moving on----- im leaving home....probably for good. Number two, with my dads cancer stuff going on my parents have literally no money. I know it was a huge sacrfice for them to get me such a nice gift. It really made me realize how much my parents love me, and how much i love them. They want what is best for me and have always given me nothing but support in all the things i wanted to do, no matter what. Which in turn, makes me even more sad to leave them.

I have just really realized how incredibly blessed i am lately. I have an amazing family, and wonderful people in my life. The Lord blesses me so much and I can see now how he has done things just when I needed them to help me become who he wants me to be. Things that may seem like something I didnt want, turn into something that is for the better. The Lord knows what hes doing. I have to remember to trust that and leave it up to him. Example number one....last semester. At the time it seemed like my life was falling apart and everything that i dreaded was happening. But looking back, I wouldnt trade that semester for anything. In the end i really loved the semester. It was by far my most challenging but possibly most rewarding. I created friendships that im sure i will never loose.

After President Eyrings talk at Devotional on Tuesday I have been looking back on my experience at BYU-I. It went so incredibly fast!! It's so crazy to think how much i have experienced since i got to Rexburg January 2006. Each semester brought new people and new fun! All of which will have a special place in my heart for many different reasons. I kind of think of each set as a new chapter in my life. Each one helped me grow a little bit more and in a little bit different way. All of them were so different and completely unexpected. I have also been thinking about how privlidged i was to attend school where i did. I had a temple so close and a school made it easy for me uphold the standards i knew i wanted to follow. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I just really need to be patient and trust him always.

Can you tell I have a lot of free time lately?

Im really bored and i just did a different one of these on facebook... but i find these things entertaining and kind of interesting....not to mention i like procrastinating my homework....haha

what color is your tooth brush?
white and turquoise

Name someone that made you smile last night?
Tamara and Nichole...they are funny....

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
chatting with my friend

What is your favorite candy bar?
Reeses

Have you ever been to a strip club?
uh... no! it worries me that this is even a question

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
The last person i remember kissing was Fisher at work...and heck yes i would kiss him!!! Hes SO adorable!

What is the best ice cream flavor?
cookie dough, or tin roof

What was the last thing you had to drink?
milk

What are you wearing right now?
sweats and a t shirt


What was the last thing you ate?
wheat thins


Have you bought any new items this week?
shoes!

When was the last time you ran?
uh.... its been too long

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
i dont remember...i dont check my myspace that much

Do you take vitamins daily?
no

Do you still talk to your ex?
sometimes

Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
depends on my mood

What do you want to be when you grow up?
nurse, lawyer, judge, physical therapist, teacher

Do you like beer in a can or a bottle?
neither!!! i have never tasted it....but it smells so gross i never want to

Are you someone's best friend?
i hope so

What are you doing tomorrow?
work, school, FHE

Where is your mom?
in the other room

Look to your right, what do you see?
lotion

Is there someone you want, but can't have?
yes

Do you have a dog?
i wish! i want a cute little one!

Last guy you talked on the phone with?
uh probably my brother

Last girl you talked on the phone with?
my mommy

Do you dye your hair?
i have....but currently no

What were you doing at 7:45AM this morning?
sleepin

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
homework

Who is the last person to send you a text, what does it say?
Olivia, Hey sry just got your text. Im good. how have u been? heard your sister is expecting. u must be excited.

Do you have a tan?
yup! im getting one!

Do you use chapstick?
yes!

Are you jealous of anyone right now?
no not really...

How do you feel about tattoos and piercing?
eh......

Missing someone?
yeah.....

Do you smoke?
no way jose

When was the last time you were on an airplane?
June 07....to see my new baby scottie

Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
well im not in a bad mood, but you only have yourself to blame for a bad mood.

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
um.... i havent decided. I dont think it was a waste though.....

What do you prefer skittles or starbursts?
skittles

How was last night?
fun!!! i hung out with my Salena

If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
Im upset, stressed or tired

What is your mom listed under in your phone?
Yo mama

Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
cant say that i have

How are you feeling right now?
bored.....

What was your last argument about?
i dont remember

Have you ever stripped for money?
no......again a little worried....

Last nap?
today!!! yay!!!

Who were the first 2 people you heard this morning?
um....probably random people on the TV my dad was watching

Have you ever liked anyone that treated you like crap?
too many times

What are you listening to?
david archuleta

Have you ever stayed in a hotel?
lots of times

Ever been told you were loved by someone who didn't mean it?
not that i am aware of... i hope they would always mean it

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
uh....sure?? who can know for sure

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
some random lady that called for my mom

Are you a big fan of snowstorms or thunderstorms?
thunderstorms yes!!!!! snowstorms HECK NO

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
absolutely positively

Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends?
Um yes.... i have lived with some of them, thats how we became friends

How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
yum!

How do you vent anger?
run, cry, listen to music, write in my journal or my blog. sometimes all of these things

Best thing you did for yourself today?
slept in!

Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
yes i have a few i think

Do you plan on moving within the next year?
Yes!!! August!!!

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
Lots of people

What do majority of people in your life call you?
Kelsey or Kelso

Do you currently hate someone?
no

What's something that bothers you about girls?
drama drama drama

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
i should download the song i had stuck in my head. I have this weird thing that I always wake up with a completely random song in my head.... sometimes its a song i havent heard in a while...like this morning....

Last time you danced with someone and where?
um Katelyn and i dance in the car a lot hahaha

What were you doing at 12:00 this afternoon?
i was in church

Who was the last person you texted?
Olivia

Do you think two people can last forever?
absolutely

If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say?
hello..... if i answer at all that is....

What do you have planned for tonight?
sleeping

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
um.....Allison? or maybe Katelyn? i dont remember

When’s your birthday?
June 15th

This time last year, what was your love life like?
nonexistant.... just like it is now....no summer flings for me....