2X4...WHACK

Remember that 2x4 I mentioned in a previous post? The one that the Lord often has to beat me over the head with before I learn a lesson? I feel like I have gotten it a lot lately. The Lord has really made me see how stupid I have been (in a good way). I have really felt reprimanded lately, again in a good way. I really needed it to realize a lot of things. I realized how scared I have been. I am really good at putting up a front and pretending (maybe sometimes so well that I actually believe it) that I know whats going on and what I want. The Lord says, it's not about what YOU want.... and The Lord has made me realize that a lot of me "knowing" was really me being scared and putting up a wall. It hasn't been the first time, but at least this time I recognized it fairly quickly. Hopefully it will be the last. I wish I could go back and take down that wall A LOT sooner. My heart kind of aches to think of how it could have been. In complete honesty, it sucks learning the hard way... and realizing how it could have been, but I am fairly optimistic. If nothing else, hopefully I have learned my lesson. Hopefully I can stop being so scared of growing up and being an adult and moving on to the next step in my life. I am worried that the opportunity may not present itself again, but luckily I have the gospel and I know life is all about starting over and learning! Hooray for learning life lessons, usually the hard way...