I came home this weekend. It has been almost a month since I have been home so I was REALLY excited to get back. I felt like I really needed to be here and couldn't wait to see my parents. Its just frustrating to me because now that I am here it is REALLY hard... I can't decide where I should be. When I am in Salt Lake I just want to be back here....when I am here I just want to be back in Salt Lake. I think in a way its easier to be in Salt Lake....but not for good reasons.
I think I decided today that I am not really sad that he is going to die. Because of the gospel background that I have I am almost comforted in the fact. It is just SSSOOO hard to see him SO miserable. He is just slowly but surely dying. and suffering the whole way. I think that is the most upsetting part. Especially knowing that there is nothing I can do to fix it. I just have to sit any watch.
I have definitely learned that i was NEVER EVER meant to be a doctor. I have been helping take care of him since I have been here and it is really hard for me. I have a SUPER weak stomach. I feel bad. I feel like I should be here to take better care of him. Thankfully my grandma stays here pretty much 24/7. It is a huge comfort for all of us to know she is taking care of him. Not to mention she is the only one that does things just the way he likes it.
The questions i hate the most right now are:
- How are you?(not the normal kind but the oh....poor pathetic you....your dad is dying-sad-look-on-their-face kind)
- How's your dad?
- How was your weekend at home?
- What can I do for you?
Here are the answers
- I'm not too great
- Hes not good, hes really sick and miserable
- It was harder than I would even like to admit
- You don't have magical healing powers so nothing.
4 comments:
I love you- I'm sorry I'm not there with you.
We think we cannot handle some things but later we see we can. You are so brave. Don't be upset about the fact that people ask you such questions. Maybe they don't know how to act. They sure know you are not very well, but if they don't ask you how you are it may seem that they don't care about you. Some people, even the ones we don't know very well, have a good heart, and can be asking you these questions 'cause they really care about you... even if you don't know it.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. My prayers are definetly with you kels!
Loveyalots Legs. That's all. Loveyalots.
On another topic- fantastic picture Legs. Fantastic.
BUT I sure am crazy about you still!
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