No Longer a Nomad
15 years ago
Monday, March 1, 2010
Avoiding confrontation
Ever since I found out about my dad, I haven't really given myself time to think about my dad. I have really avoided coming face to face with whats going on. I have been busy enough that I have been totally able to do it. Now that I am back in fourth grade being an aide my life has drastically slowed down. I am still trying to avoid thinking about what's going on but its not working as well. And really....my method is not very effective because it just makes it so that I don't sleep at night...because I try and think of anything and everything else all night long so that I don't have time to register that he is dying. I don't know if I should admit this in public...but I had a really hard time going home just because it meant facing what I have been trying to avoid. Not to mention the fact that avoiding thinking and registering the fact in my brain is not helping because I need to spend as much time with my dad as I can. I feel like I really just need to take a day to myself and be alone...but at the same time I don't want to be alone. It's annoying because I don't want to stay at home so I go out to church activities and the whole time I am just thinking about how much I just want to leave....I was kind of excited for FHE tonight and then once I got there I was just in a bad mood and wanted to leave..... I feel kind of bipolar right now....or at least that I can't make up my mind.....
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3 comments:
Kelsey, if I could give you a counsel I'd say that you should try to 'face' it. You don't need to think about that all the time, 'cause thinking about it won't make you happier. But tell yourself what's going on and just 'keep going'. About avoid seeing your dad, I know how it is. But I honestly think that though it's hard for you to see and to be together w/ him, you should try it. Do it for your dad. Sometimes people think they shouldn't see or visit someone who is sick 'cause it's hard. But we should think that the person who is 'sick' (just an example)will love our visit. I think it's all about not thinking about ourselves but about those loved ones who would appreciate a visit, a conversation, a help, a smile from us. You'll see it's kind of hard at the beginning but you'll get used to it and you'll see that it's worth it. "We get used to everything", my aunt told me once.
I'm so sorry! If there is anything I can do please let me know. You guys are definetely in our prayers!
Oh my gosh Kelsey, I am so sorry! If there is anything I can do for you or your family, let me know. I will do it. Your family is in my prayers.
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