Wowzer....It's been a while...

Hey look people!!! I am NOT dead!!! I know all 5 of my blog readers have probably been very concerned lately. I havent updated since the beginning of August! Sheesh! Kind of a lot has happened since then. First of all, let me just say that my computer cord broke and so I have been using the internet on my phone...Needless to say, you cant update your blog from your phone.

Starting with the rest of August..... The trip to San Diego with my roommate and 2 friends was really great! We had so much fun! It was really great! In the middle of August we drove to Bear Lake and camped overnight for my roommate Bailey's birthday. It was kind of an adventure finding a place to camp and we ended up camping smack in the middle of a field. haha! Lots of fun things happened. I say that somewhat sarcastically... It was fun until I got SUPER sick that night. I was up off and on throwing up all night. It really WAS fun though because I met Brennan. I automatically thought he was super cute and funny, but I thought I had no chance with him. I just kept thinking I needed to think of one of my cute friends to set him up with. (I was also sorta dating someone else... HA) After Bear Lake I just enjoyed the rest of the summer until school started.

When school started I was teaching 3rd grade. I LOVED IT! I had a really fun team that I worked with, a super CUTE class with only 20 kids, and I loved my new school. Now, only 2 of those things are the same. I have a great team, and i love my school....but i do NOT have a cute class... or a small class. At the end of September I was switched to 5th grade because enrollment dropped and a 5th grade teacher volunteered to leave. I now know why she volunteered to leave. My class now is very hard. I have a HUGE range of ability and have HUGE attitudes about everything. I have to be mean teacher 24/7. Other teachers take my class for something and say "I don't know how you do it everyday!!"

Other than that, I started hanging out and getting know Brennan at the beginning of September. . We really started dating by the middle of September. We pretty much insta-bonded. He gets my sense of humor and we have fun just doing the simplest of things together. He is real smooth and charming and says all the right things. He makes me think and is easy to talk to. For some reason he likes me too...

As of lately I have just been working and hanging out with Brennan. I am moving in with Berkley again at the end of January! I am super excited. I came to my sister in AZ for Christmas and it has been delightful! We drove around with the windows down! Its so warm compared to Salt Lake! Its been so fun playing with my family too! Hooray for Christmas! and for not being dead! :)

Sum of the Summer

This has been quite the adventurous summer! It started out being very stressful. And I was nervous I wasnt going to be able to enjoy much of it, but luckily it has turned out great!!! You should all (all 5 of you) be very proud of how many pictures I posted and that I posted any at all!!! :)  Here a few gems of the summer thus far..

1.Going to the drive-in movie with our "living room"

2. Being silly with the best roomies a girl could have and laughing til we cry

 Fireworks! and LOTS of them!!!

 Watching softball!

 camping trips!

 parades!

 more fireworks!

 floating lazily in the water and working on my tan...

 Journey and Foreigner concert!!!

 playing games with friends

 hikes!

flooded basement/water heater room... and scooping the junk out with fancy waders. (those things are cool! I was completely dry when I got out!!! I have to admit I had my doubts)

Any way... It has been a really fun, really adventurous summer. There have been some really HIGH highs... and some really low, lows. All in all I have learned SO much this summer about myself and about my testimony and even about my friends and the people around me. I have learned some life lessons and have been SSSOOOO beyond  blessed. I couldn't be more grateful! I only have 2 weeks before I start doing school stuff and 3 weeks til school starts. I am getting really excited to start. To top off the summer, Chase, Bailey, Brian and I are all going to SIX FLAGS and SAN DIEGO for a few days at the end of this week and I am so excited!!! Pictures to come! Be prepared.

Boredom Ensues...

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: water

2. Last phone call: Chase to get directions to his cabin

3. Last text message: My Mom saying see ya soon

4. Last song: Savior, Redeemer of My Soul - Dallyn Vail Bayles

5. Last time you cried: um... a week or so ago? i cant remember the exact date

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: kinda?

7. Been cheated on: no

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No

9. Lost someone special: YES

10. Been depressed: It happens, life is tough!

11. Been drunk and threw up: nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Green

SINCE LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes!!! I have funny roommates

18. Met someone who changed you: Yes

19. Found out who your true friends were: yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you: kinda

21. Hit anyone on your FB friend's list: not in anger...hahaha

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: Met all of them at least once.

24. Do you have any pets: nope

25. Do you want to change your name: No way

26. What did you do for your last birthday: dinner with the fam, ice cream just dance and a movie with the roommies!

27. What time did you wake up today: 8:30-ish

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: playing a silly game 

29. Whats something you can't wait for: SAN DIEGO/ SIX FLAGS this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30. Last time you saw your mother: about an hour ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself: im pretty happy with myself most days.

32. What are you listening to right now: a leaf blower drying out my crawl space.... long story...........

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: Yep

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: deciding what to do.....

35. Most visited webpage: Facebook

37. Nickname(s): Kels, Kelson, Kelso, 

38. Relationship Status: single

39. Zodiac Sign: gemini

40. He or She: Well I'm a she, but I like hes?

41. Elementary: Metcalf and Rivergold

42. High School: Star Valley and Stevens

43. College: Brigham Young University - Idaho

44. Hair color: brown

45. Long or short hair: long

46. Height: 5'10 ish

47. Do you have a crush on someone? do we have to go there?

48. What do you like about yourself: I care a lot about other people.

50. Tattoos: nope

51. Righty or lefty: righty

52. First surgery: Wisdom teeth

53. First piercing: Ears

54. First best friend: Rhoda Sevingy

55. First sport you joined:T-ball

56. First vacation: Probably camping.... or else to Portland Oregon when I was 4...

59. Eating: Reeses.....yum.....

60. Drinking: nothing

61. I'm about to: take a nap

62. Listening to: Didn't we do this one already?

63. Waiting for: Thursday so i can go to San Diego

YOUR FUTURE

64. Want kids?: YES! someday

65. Get Married?: Someday!

66. Career?: Teacher! 

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes : I notice eyes before lips... so eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses: depends

69. Shorter or taller: taller

70. Older or Younger: not too picky

71. Romantic or spontaneous: both

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: eh... either or neither.

73. Sensitive or loud: depends on the moment

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

75. Funny or Shy?: funny

76. Kissed a stranger: No

77. Drank hard liquor: nope

80. Broke someone's heart: unfortunately

81. Had your own heart broken: Yes

82. Been arrested: Nope

83. Turned someone down: yes..... 

84. Cried when someone died: YES

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: most of the time

87. Miracles: Yes!

88. Love at first sight: no

89. Heaven: yes

90. Santa Clause: no

91. The tooth fairy: No

92. Angels: yes

Man.... i think that made me more bored.... HAHA

Power of Music

WOW!! I went and saw 17 miracles... I dont usually full on cry in movies...and I didn't in this movie until the very end... A song came on that was SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO powerful! its called "Savior, Redeemer of my Soul" by Dallyn Vail Bayles......AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! Lyrics to follow!!! BUY IT NOW!!! Listen to his version while you read the lyrics!

1. Savior, Redeemer of my soul,
Whose mighty hand hath made me whole,
Whose wondrous pow’r hath raised me up
And filled with sweet my bitter cup!
What tongue my gratitude can tell,
O gracious God of Israel.

2. Never can I repay thee, Lord,
But I can love thee. Thy pure word,
Hath it not been my one delight,
My joy by day, my dream by night?
Then let my lips proclaim it still,
And all my life reflect thy will.

3. O’errule mine acts to serve thine ends.
Change frowning foes to smiling friends.
Chasten my soul till I shall be
In perfect harmony with thee.
Make me more worthy of thy love,
And fit me for the life above.

Life is a Gift!

As my previous post kind of alludes to, I have been doing a lot of introspection, a lot of thinking. Yes, about how it's easy to be blinded by what you think you want instead of you really want (aka what the Lord wants for you). It's easy to be prideful. I spent the day in a bit of a tizzy because (to make a long story short) my car was acting up. Yes, my brand new car. Yes, AGAIN! So, I spent pretty much my whole day figuring it out and getting it fixed. Apparently my car needs a solid platinum hose to pump freaking steering fluid... ok... so maybe that was a BIT of an exaggeration, but even so the stupid hose was $280 alone! And with labor it ended up being $460 to fix it. Yup, even got a second opinion... Like I said, solid platinum hose..... 
But then my roommate text me and said she found tickets to Journey and we decided to go!

When I got home, I got news of a person in my ward that had passed away. I didn't even know this person, but even so it was yet another slap to the face. Here I am so easily upset, then so easily pleased all in one day. I have taken advantage of being alive and well and being able to live with MANY MANY blessing and many things that I don't REALLY need. It made me realize we shouldn't take our lives or ANYTHING in them for granted. Being on earth is such a blessing and such an amazing opportunity and you never know when it's going to be over. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy  the little moments in life. One of my project quotes even says "Moments are the molecules that make up eternity." Soak up everything you can and BE GRATEFUL!!!!! EVERYDAY!!!

2X4...WHACK

Remember that 2x4 I mentioned in a previous post? The one that the Lord often has to beat me over the head with before I learn a lesson? I feel like I have gotten it a lot lately. The Lord has really made me see how stupid I have been (in a good way). I have really felt reprimanded lately, again in a good way. I really needed it to realize a lot of things. I realized how scared I have been. I am really good at putting up a front and pretending (maybe sometimes so well that I actually believe it) that I know whats going on and what I want. The Lord says, it's not about what YOU want.... and The Lord has made me realize that a lot of me "knowing" was really me being scared and putting up a wall. It hasn't been the first time, but at least this time I recognized it fairly quickly. Hopefully it will be the last. I wish I could go back and take down that wall A LOT sooner. My heart kind of aches to think of how it could have been. In complete honesty, it sucks learning the hard way... and realizing how it could have been, but I am fairly optimistic. If nothing else, hopefully I have learned my lesson. Hopefully I can stop being so scared of growing up and being an adult and moving on to the next step in my life. I am worried that the opportunity may not present itself again, but luckily I have the gospel and I know life is all about starting over and learning! Hooray for learning life lessons, usually the hard way...

Favorites as of Late...

My background is one of my favorite color combinations...yellows, greens(I almost spelled green, grean... I need to get back into to teaching, my brain is turning to MUSH) blues, add some orange maybe! LOVE IT! If I get married any time soon those will be my wedding colors! with GRAY! I kind of LOVE gray tux's right now too...

I am really getting into the vintage-y stuff!! I secretly sometimes wish I could pull off being "hipster"  not meaningall the way... but sometimes they dress REALLY cute!!!

I LOVE craftgawker.com! Coolest thing ever! it has a lot of vintage-y stuff too!! still getting used to pintrest... but it has peaked mine if you know what i mean ;)... ok.... that was cheesy....

I LOVE getting to take a nap if I want to! It's quite possibly my favorite thing EVER! I don't always do it, but it's so nice to have the option...

I love having friends that seem to know when you need a talk (about nothing really...) even when YOU don't realize it until after

I love having roomies that make you laugh AALLLL night long....

I LOVE Dr. Pepper... oh wait... that's not new...

I love having the anticipation of a new job...and seeing my niece and nephews...BOTH in a month!

I love thinking about getting all my teacher junk OUT of my room!

I love glitter toes!!! So cute!!

I love having TIME... I can sit and think.... which is honestly one of my favorite things. I can take a walk, I can do a project. I can read! I can really do WHATEVER I want WHENEVER I want. True, I may not use the freedom to it's full extent...but again, it's nice to have the option.

I LOVE being able to google something real quick on my phone... like an address, or the name of that actor I can't remember etc etc etc. It's so handy to have and often feeds my intense (and extremely random) wonderings that would other wise be forgotten due to my ADD....

I love strawberry shakes lately.

Lots of loves.... T.T.F.N.

Tootie's got a job!!!!

I am the newest teacher at Whittier Elementary!! (of course I automatically thought of you, Tara....) I am going to be teaching 3rd grade and I am SSSOOO excited! It's funny because I went into the interview this morning  really groggy and not feeling myself. I had some really weird dreams last night that I can't really remember, I just remember being confused the whole time.... So I was still feeling the after effects and felt like I didn't say a single intelligent thing the whole interview (but strangely I never got nervous. I was actually really excited the whole time. Foreshadowing??) but around 1 pm I got in the shower and when I got out I saw I had missed a school from a district phone number. Thinking it was another school calling for an interview, I listened to my voice mail. I was SHOCKED when I heard the voice of the principal I just interviewed with! Only a few hours later! I freaked out at first and was too nervous to call her back. I had to think about it because there is a position at the school where I did my student teaching....and I would have LOVED to go back there... But, I still didn't even have an interview with Redwood and it's not a guaranteed job there either... I felt REALLY good about Whittier and decided to take the job. I called her back and she offered me the job! I am SSOO excited! It's a REAL contract this time too, so even if, for some reason, Whittier doesnt have room for me next year, I will get surplused and just have to move schools instead of actually having to interview again! THANK GOODNESS for the Lord teaching me and BLESSING me! Thank goodness for answered prayers! and Thank you ALL for praying for me and supporting me throughout this CRAZY time in my life! :)  Opening faculty meeting is August 15th and school starts the 22nd!! YAHOO!!!!!

PS a note about the title... my nephew Spencer tried to say my name today and it came out "tootie" HAHAHAH so funny!

Stand Still, Look Pretty

Have you ever done something that you really regret? I have. Very recently. If I had another chance, I would do almost everything different. I regret the situation for a lot of reasons. I feel like several friendships were injured in the process and unfortunately I am on the giving AND receiving end of the injured relationships. It has really gotten to me lately. For one, I felt terrible for the way I treated someone that was very close to me. For another, I feel like things were said that established that sometimes people really think of me what I hope they don't. They expressed things about me that are quite possible, but were not purposeful. But to them they were purposeful. It hurt to know that they thought those things about me. They said a lot with their actions. Maybe it's bad, but I feel like a lot of the things are what they really think of me. I really took what they said hard. Thankfully, I feel like for the most part the issue that was my fault has been resolved and we are friends again and with time will be back to normal. As for the others, I don't think they really feel bad about what happened. I guess I just need to forgive and forget. I don't even think they know how much it has bothered me. (even after I tried to tell them) Which just tells me they really don't know me very well. PS All of these 3 were some of what I consider to be my closest friends in Salt Lake. 


Along with all the friend issues I still don't have a job. It's unbelievably frustrating, disheartening, de-motivational, etc. etc. I will have interview number 6 on Tuesday. I had one today, that I still haven't heard back from. I shouldn't complain. At least I am getting interviews, right? Even so, I got denied the job for interview number 4 only hours after having the interview, right smack in the middle of all the friend drama. I am a worrier, so of course I am freaking out about what the future holds. Worst case scenario runs in my head over and over.... only I can't even quite imagine worst case scenario because I honestly I have NO idea what I will do if I can't get a job.


It's hard because I feel like because of the stress, my sensitivity is heightened. I am kind of to the point that I feel like I just keep  getting kicked while I am down. I am really trying to stay positive, which is honestly REALLY hard right now. I am pretty good at putting on an act and pretending to be normal, but I have spent a lot of time alone for a reason. Time passes in such a strange way because I just zone out, not really thinking about much specific or else the exact same thing over and over... and then my day is suddenly over. Any way... I really like this song, and I feel like it kinda fits for now. Life WILL get better, I just gotta hang in there.


I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

[Chorus]
I am slowly falling apart 
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

WHACK!

Unfortunately, often times, I have to learn by being beat over the head with a figurative 2x4 to get a point. The good thing I suppose is that that is how I learn best. I learn very quickly. The most recent 2x4 was how clueless I am when it comes to boys. I just don't get it. No amount of help or suggestions seems to do the trick....maybe someday I will get hit with the 2x4 of how to deal with boys and know what to do. Until then....

Just What Every Girl Needs.....

Today was my 24th birthday! And it was quite a fantastic one at that! I started off by sleeping in til about 9, showering and then meeting my friend Michonn for pedicures and manicures! It was heavenly. Both of us were pretty much in comas because we were SSOOO relaxed. At one point I was spoiled enough to get both at the same time..... After that I went to the mall and treated myself to a couple new shirts. (I had like THE best parking spot in the whole place too, prob. cuz it was my birthday... HA) After the mall I took a nice nap (had a really weird dream that I can't remember any more). My fam came over at about 5 and we all went to dinner at Applebees. My family is always good for a laugh. I  sure love them. My brothers argued about baseball teams the whole time. After dinner my brothers had me drive to a car wash and gave Rita VIP treatment. (she deserves a spa day too apparently) She is super shiny and pretty now. I have to admit she looks pretty hot when she's clean. When I got home from dinner/car wash, my lovely roommates were waiting  with a BEAUTIFUL cake as seen in the picture above (Reeses--my fav) and presents! I felt SSSOOO spoiled! Here is a picture of all the super sweet loot I was spoiled with. I thought about doing a picture of each, but then i remembered how lazy I am when it comes to posting pictures here, so you get a picture of it all. I will note each individual though because I LOVED all of them! LOOK CLOSE!

1. 2 shirts from AERO that I treated myself to.
2. the white volcom shirt from Bay
3. I tunes gift card from the Berkster
4. ALL three Hunger Games books
5. A KITE!! also from Berks (can't wait to test that baby out!)
6. 2 head bands (look close! they are there)
7. a sun shield (is that what you call them?) for my car! Rita got spoiled for my birthday too. 
8. and finally, a BEAUTIFUL flannel quilt my mom made! I LOVE it!!! 
9. OH POOH!!! I forgot to put it in the picture! Bailey got me a HUGE case of Dr. Pepper!

Finally, to top off the wonderful birthday, Mallory (4th roommate) came over and we lit sparklers in our backyard! I had like ALL of my favorite things in one day! The only favorite things that were missing were a few friends and my sisters family.... but I suppose its excusable, this time.....YAY!!! It's gonna be a good year! I can tell! Thanks all of you wonderful friends and family that made my birthday SSSOOOO great! It really was just what every girl needs on her birthday!

bored, bored, boredity, bored

Being bored and having a lot of extra time on my hands has made me be very introspective. Last night, after 2 nights in a row of mysteriously not being able to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, I decided to read my old journal. Most of it is from the good old college days. It brought back a lot of really really good memories! And it really made me realize how kind of bitter and cynical I have been lately. I have just let the stress of being an adult get to me."Reliving" my college days made me realize how different my attitude was then and how it is now. I remember being so much more optimistic and fun loving. I kinda almost feel like an old fuddy duddy....(I will be a whopping 24 tomorrow) Not that I want to go back.... I think I have learned a lot of valuable lessons from then until now. And in complete honesty I think it was REALLY good for me to relive some of those experiences because I think I have kind of forgotten the lessons I learned. It was a good slap in the face to realize I needed to relearn/remember a few of those lessons I learned. But I think I need some of that youthful "carelessness" back in my life. I have vowed to be better at working out. I haven't for longer than I would even like to admit.... I'm gonna take it pretty easy at first, but I would even go as far as saying that I want to be able to run a 5k EASILY next summer. Don't worry, I don't think I will ever be crazy enough to do anything more than a 5k. Props to those of you that do and enjoy it. Any way, here's to being less grouchy-old-lady and more fun-less stressed-young-lady! Hooray for being 24!

Last Day of School!

Well, I just finished my first year of teaching!!! What a crazy experience! I can't believe I started almost a year ago! (July sometime) Some of the kids I am SSOO glad to be rid of and others I will really miss a lot! WAHOO!! I'm done!!! Now lets hope I GET a second year to teach!

When it rains, it POURS! Literally!!!!

Weirdest. Day. Ever. Instances below....

1. I stayed late at school because I have a bunch to get done by the end of the school year. When I came out of school my brand new, barely a month old car would NOT start. I have never ever had that happen to me...even with my old car. I immediately called my friend Gabe. He is a mechanic and works out kinda by my school. He came right out (even though he was already home). It was POURING buckets of rain right before he got there (SSSOOO sick of this freak rain that wont go away in Utah). Luckily it stopped right before he came. When we popped my hood he tightened too little nuts on the wires that connect the battery and it started right up. No problem. THANKFULLY, but only the beginning of my weird/ironic evening.
2. I drove home and met Gabe at my  house. I told him I would take him to dinner because he drove all the way out there to help me. Before I left, I realized that my roommate Berkley had text me to make sure I got my car started, so I quickly text her back explaining what happened. Then she text me back and said "who is this?" "This isn't Berkley, this is Emily..." i totally thought my roommate was trying to tease me and just playing a joke...and i text her back things like "oh ok....really??? then why do i have you in my phone as Berkley...and you just text me 5 mins ago...." but oh no... As I pull into my drive  this random girl calls me and says "I'm sorry, I don't know you... I am not Berkley." Oh yes... my possessed phone said i was texting Berkley, but I was really texting some completely random person.....
3. So Gabe and I are on our way to dinner and all of the sudden my white car, the car I sold a month ago drives past full of this little family. I am 99.99% sure it was my car because it still had my Dad's triple A stickers on the back bumper and my planet fitness parking sticker (too bad I forgot to grab that!) in the window. What are the odds??? You can ask Gabe, I was freaking out. I even took a picture on my phone(we'll get to the picture later). It was SSOO weird to see someone else driving that car... I have too many memories (good and bad) in that car......
4.  Gabe and I have dinner, he takes me home and I go to use my phone to get online. My mobile hot spot was not working... So, finally fed up with my phone being temperamental lately I decided to take it to the Verizon store. Example A...it had turned itself off (at this point) 4 times during the day, completely by itself. They gave me a phone number and I spent an hour on the phone with tech support 70% of which I spent on hold and asking the lady if she was really still there.... They gave me all these things to do and then FINALLY said ok! It should be fine! 
5. I go connect to the internet, and then I am watching TV with my roomies. I push a button to check my phone....what do you know.... it had turned itself off AGAIN. I turned it back on, checked it, put it down and then not two minutes later i saw the light flash like i had a message, so i checked it again..... it turned off again!!!!!!!!!!!! So i called the dumb tech support people back and told them the whole story for the 93rd time and got disconnected. So i called and told the story for the 94th time. They finally decided to reset my phone completely. I specifically asked if I would loose my pictures, and the man assured me I would not (the only reason I agreed to the reset). 
6. I go through the reset and only AFTER the reset did I realize i had put a password on my phone that i needed to get back into my contacts and saved info....did i remember the password?? of course not. and to reset the password I had to go to my e-mail....I DONT HAVE INTERNET WITHOUT MY PHONE!!!!!!!!!!
7. I set up a new/temp/fake account so that i can use the internet to check my password, RE reset my phone, change the profile to my original profile and let it load.
8. Contacts in tact! YAY! Pictures....gone forever..... NO picture of my old car I sold.... no cute picture of my niece and nephews.... no picture of the San Diego Temple for my background....
9. no extra time in the night to go grocery shopping like i needed. 
10. Now I am so riled up i cant sleep even though thats all I really want to do.  

Monday:10 

ME: zip, zero, zilch

I figure its only right... I had this amazing revelatory Sunday in which I realized everything is in the Lord's hands and as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to he will lead me where I need to be. So i told him yesterday "Ok Lord, Its in your hands! I am trusting you! I am not going to whine and stress any more!" and now he is saying FINALLY, but Ok.... lets make sure.....he's testing me and hopefully I passed.

Frustration is an understatement.....

BAH!!!! I am so annoyed! First of all, I had an interview for a 6th grade position. They had to have had someone already picked out because they hardly listened to a word I said. One lady interrupted me mid sentence and said "oh.... will it ever stop raining???" They weren't even listened to a word. It's not like I was being long winded either. I also found out yesterday that my friend was interviewed at the school I thought I for sure had good chance at getting. So, I was pretty upset that I didn't even get called for an interview. My principal came and talked to me and said "for some reason you weren't on the list of people she was going to interview." So... I researched a little more and found out that my application did not go through. I filled it out and everything. Not to mention I emailed the principal and said I was interested in interviewing. BUT apparently she didn't get my application and therefore chose not to interview me. I feel like a scum bag because my principal went to a lot of work talking me up to this principal and my principal even said "I'm pretty sure she would have given  you a job if you would have gotten an interview." SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating that I didn't double check! It's my own dumb fault for not making sure it went through... that was the job I was counting on. Bah Hum bug.... I suppose I wasn't supposed to get it and the Lord has other plans...as frustrating as it is..... I was a shoe in.......

Balance

There's this song that was on my friends facebook page a while ago and I listened and kind of fell in love with the song. It is sung by Natalie Weiss, who is simply amazing! It's called Quiet. It kinda goes along with some things I have been thinking lately. It  says:
 "What's the perfect balance between yelling too much, and not yelling enough so that people don't walk over you. Is it a crime just to want to be nice, to avoid confrontation, and show everyone a little respect. Time after time I find that I'm struggling to tell you what's burning inside..."

I probably don't mean it in the same context as the song (if you go listen to it). But I suppose I have been contemplating balance in all things lately. Especially in relationships, not just romantic ones. I had a friend sit me down and tell me how I needed to be more "fun" (his version of fun) and that I needed to go out to parties and be more outgoing. And I agree, partially. I don't think I should change who I am just to be more "fun". I don't enjoy going to parties. I am the quiet one in the corner because I don't want to be there. I tried to explain our personality differences there, but he chalked it up to me being a "good Mormon girl". Don't take this the wrong way. He sounds like a jerk when I explain it that way. He is very outspoken. I take everything he said with about a GALLON of salt. It didn't bother me per-say, I am pretty comfortable with who I am...  but it did make me think.  What's the balance?? I don't want to be the sit-at-home-hermit-girl but at the same time I'm not the go out wild and crazy girl either.... and for that matter... Where's the balance for a lot of things... flirty but not too flirty, nice but not too nice, happy but not too happy, mature but not boring, etc.... Is it a crime to be shy?? or to like staying at home once in a while? or not be the outgoing-get-all-the-boys type of girl????Admittedly I am shy. I have to get to know someone pretty well before my personality really comes out and I think that gets translated and me being boring. I have to say, I am a million times better now that I was in High School. Progress is progress?

And as for the last line in the song... I feel like a lot of times, for some reason, I have hard time explaining myself out loud. In almost anything. Sometimes, when I blog, it comes out easily and nicely and I feel better after doing it... but other times, like today, I don't feel satisfied in getting my thoughts on paper. It still feels jumbled. Any way.... a moment in my brain for you......

Can I do this?!?!?!

Today was probably one of my worst teaching days EVER. Things were going perfectly fine. We started Book clubs, and were about to review for our CRT test that was after lunch (still a a good two hours away......or so i thought...) Next thing I know the office is calling down to my room saying "you are 15 mins late for your CRT test... Mr. Cole needs you down there as soon as possible." To which I responded "Oh, actually my test today is at 1:30..." to which THEY responded "we had to change it last minute, you need to go now." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! We hadn't reviewed at all since last week, my kids are NOT focused and not in testing mode AT all and now I have to RUN them to the computer lab with out a potty break or drink to HURRY and take this test that(hurry and CRT test should not belong in the same sentence unless NOT is in there...) that takes an hour but there is only 45 mins til lunch.... and TRUST me, my kids are like little atomic clocks and can sense when it is exactly lunch time. There goes ALL hope of them staying focused on the test....Not the mention the fact that I had no time to prep them and get them in calm test mode...

Let's just put it this way... I had 2 kids finish in less that ten minutes... (with at least 6 full page passages they had to read to answer the questions.... apparently they are genius kids and have been tricking me this whole year) and I had about 5 kids that were more interested in playing with the on screen tools (highlighter, inverting the color, strike through etc) then actually reading or answering questions.... Best part was that we can't leave til everyone is done with the section...so I have 20 hungry kids that are finished and antsy and pointing to the clock every time I glance in their direction and 5 that are so busy highlighting, wiggling the mouse or even using their pencil as some sort of massage tool on their face to actually finish their test... I was SSSOOOO annoyed with the office... and they could care less because it doesn't effect them what-so-ever.

Lucky me, thats how I get evaluated as a teacher....they look at kids that could care less about a test and if they don't score well I am the one thats screwed... tell me how that makes sense!?!?!?!

My theme song right now... It's called Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae. Here are my favorite parts

It's been a really really messed up week 
Seven days of torture, seven days of bitter


La la la, whatever, la la la, it doesn't matter, la la la, oh well, la la la 


I don't know if I'll make it BUT WATCH HOW GOOD I'LL FAKE IT
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight 

realizations

The more I talk to other people and the more I think about my life, the more I realize how I am no where near ready to be married.... Don't get me wrong... someday I would love to be... but for me, personally, I don't see that day being any time soon. The End...

Visitors......

So, tonight, a regular Wednesday night... or so I thought. I got home from work and my friend Gabe that lives down the street called and wanted to hang out. He knows a ton about cars, and I am thinking of trading mine in, so he came over to help me look. A little later, our friend Chase came over. My roommate Berkley came up and was making herself dinner, so the four of us (Berk, Gabe, Chase and I) were in the kitchen talking. Chase brought up something about  how Gabe had just bought a new hand gun, so Gabe decided to go grab it out of his truck. Berk and I were both a little nervous... and so after a little bit Gabe went outside to put his gun back in his truck. 

All of the sudden, I notice see flash lights in my back yard. Then two cops with a dog walk past my kitchen window. I thought what the heck is going on!?!?! Thats when I heard the knock on my front door. My friend Chase answered the door and the person that had knocked stood back so we had to come outside to see him. It was another cop (thankfully, not some psychopathic killer, which I have to admit crossed my mind...) He asked if we were the only ones there, and if we could please step outside. Of course by this time I am thinking maybe the previous renters had done something and  we were getting the blame. Then the cop says "do you know that guy over there?" I honestly didn't see any one at first so I am  sure I looked really confused... then I realized my friend Gabe was off in the distance talking to another cop. With pure terror in my voice and a little shock I said  "Gabe?!?!?! long pause..... yyyyeeeeaaaahhhh..... how come? Is something wrong?" And then the cop asked if there was a problem and what we were doing and why he was at my house with a gun. I was like um no... nothing is wrong he was just showing us the gun he bought. He is a friend that lives down the street. So then the cop hands the gun itself back to Gabe, and the clip to my roommate Berkley and tells her not to give it to him until he is all the way back inside the house. 

I guess what happened was that the cops were outside my house because our neighbors had gotten in a fight and one of them said they were going to kill themselves and so someone called the cops (great neighborhood I live in right??). The cops were staked outside my house watching to see what was going on at the neighbors and trying to find the guy that was suicidal because I guess he was walking around outside. Then out walks Gabe with a gun in his hand. He said he had two assault rifles pointed in his face and a dog that was too close for comfort. WRONG place and the WRONG time! haha Kind of a funny story even if Gabe and I both about peed our pants! I told Gabe I couldn't be his friend any more because he was a bad influence on me. :)

Yay for a little excitement in my life!

Jazz!

Lately I have had a little excitement in my life.... the best thing...My friend called me last Wednesday and told me he had Jazz tickets. And I thought oh thats fun! I will go... and then I got there and found out our seats were on the 7th ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was AMAZING! We sat right behind the Nuggets. We could see them making their plays! It was so fun! I LOVED it! and it was kind of a tender moment for me because the first LIVE  Jazz game I saw was against the Nuggets in the pre season when I first moved to Salt Lake. SO fun! UNFORTUNATELY my fav, CJ Miles, was not playing... that is probably the only thing that would have made it better.

Awkward....

Um dang... I just realized my background says Happy New Year! HAHA

AND I found out today that it is most likely I am NOT staying at my school next year. There two positions available and they were filled by involuntary transfers. Which means I will be switching schools and i have to re interview and all that jazz... lame.....

Annoyances

Ug... When I start getting stressed it seems to translate to other parts of my life and it really annoys me. Being stressed annoys me because I tend to stress over things that  I can't control...and mentally I think this is SO stupid to stress over! theres nothing I can do about it! but yet i still stress over it... and then because I'm stressed little things start to annoy me... and then i get annoyed that im getting annoyed. Its kind of a vicious cycle...

Any way... the reason I was posting is because its the end of the year... which means CRT's for my kiddos... (state tests) which stresses me out. It's kind of a lot of pressure on me and I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of panicking. Oh well! I guess theres not a TON that I can do now. (SEE! Stressing about something I can't really change!)

AND I am kind of kicking myself, because I signed a one year only contract. Which basically means that no matter what I have to re-interview for a job. Even if I get to stay at my school. BUT to top it all off... we have to wait. If there is a teacher at another school that gets surplused to my school, they would get my spot before I would... LAME right?? The District is dragging their feet and taking their time placing surplus teachers (why do they care right? they have a job!) They were supposed to be placed by last week! SO as soon as they are placed, my principal will know if she can interview. Then I would have to interview for my position. My principal has basically said if it comes to interviewing i would get to stay. I just hate not knowing.

blog blues....

I suck at blogging right now... I started blogging about my trip and then I just fizzled and stopped.... I felt like I was rambling and everything I could come up with to say about my trip was less than mediocre. DONT get me wrong! My trip was WAY WAY more than mediocre, I just couldn't  write about it very well... My writing skills have recently gone into hibernation apparently. So, if you want to check out my Arizona trip (maybe some day I will finish the post) you will have to take a look at my rad-tacular picture on facebook. Hope to rejoin the blogging world again soon....

THE END.

WHOA!!!

I am BACK! It has been far too long. I haven't had too much to say, and can't say that I have much to say now...but it's been a really long time. Life is good. Same old same old, but thats kinda the way I like it. I really do love my life as of now. I love my job. I love working with my students and the fun we have together even if it makes me crazy sometimes. I love my ward and my calling. I love my new house and my roommates! They are fantastic! I feel like this is almost a pointless post. I haven't been having any deep meaningful thoughts I wanna share lately...

One thing I suppose I could share is how much I hate dating. Nothing against guys I have been on dates with. Going on dates just makes me remember how much I  hate them... and maybe I should be more specific in saying I hate FIRST dates.... I think I would enjoy dating a LOT more if I weren't having 800 first dates. I swear first dates are always bad. My attitude doesn't help. In complete honesty, if I could skip ever having a first date ever again, I would do it. Bleh...........

Also, this coming break, in the middle of March, I am going to see my sisters family! My brother is going with me so it will be a lot of fun! I have never flown with a buddy before, its always been solo. I will also, hopefully, be going to Chicago to see my good friend. In the summer I will hopefully be going to San Fran to see ANOTHER good friend! I am so lucky to have the job I do! Any way... thats all for now.